As we thought and talked about doing this blog, at first I thought it would just be the best way to keep everyone informed of the diagnosis, treatments, and progress. But the more I thought about it the more I realized this would be therapeutic for me to write about what I am feeling and thinking. (I know that may be a little scary!) As I sat down today I giggled a little because the thought came to me, I wonder if this is something like writing a sermon. See, for those of you who may not know I come from a long line of preachers. My grandfather, father, uncle, 2 cousins and my father-in-law, all preachers. I remember dad talking about working on sermons and writing sermons, and I thought wow you spend a lot of time for only 20 or 30 minute sermons. (Dad was always good to get us out of church on time, and home to watch football.) I guess the reason I thought about that is because that phone call that changed my life, has completely changed my perspective on life. Things that used to be important aren’t anymore. And the things that are important are acutely important. God, family, friends, and health. Period.
I have pondered those nagging questions we all deal with at some point in life. And I have also thought a lot about the things I was taught about God. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why me? How much more do I have to deal with? God won’t give us more than we can handle. Hmmmm, really? I had a conversation with my good friend Chad the other night. He is a cancer survivor. I watched him go through his journey and come out cancer free and a better man. During our conversation we talked about God not giving us more than we can handle. I had some what of an epiphany this week while pondering that question. If I had to deal with this on my own there is no way in this world I could get through it. Alone, there is no way. Now, I am not claiming to have the answer to this question, but for me the answer came in the overwhelming support I have from all my family and friends. Did God give me more than I can handle? I really don’t know, I don’t think God gave this to me in the first place. But what I can say is that everyday he has given me the tools and the means to handle it. And it comes in the form of you. God has given us each of you, with different talents, abilities, resources, gifts, perspectives, personalities, support and love, and that simply is what is getting us through. He continually provides for us, even in ways we don’t see until later down the road. It is really wonderful to watch something happen and be able to look back and see that God was orchestrating it the entire time. For example, today we were able to take the kids to the Oklahoma Air National Guard Base in Tulsa. Our incredible friends Jason and Tina, who work there, invited us to go to family day. Tyler, our oldest, is all about military. We were able to spend the day looking at F-16 fighter jets, all kinds of other planes, get face painted, Jupiter jump, eat pizza, pet snakes, (not me I hate snakes!) fish, rock climb, it was incredible. It was one of those acutely important things in life, watching the kids be kids and have fun. It was so great to spend that time with the kids, and take our minds off of what lies ahead, even if just for a little while. Thank you Jason and Tina!
So, does God give me more than I can handle? I really don’t know. But what I do know is he is daily giving me the things I need to handle it. Period.
Remember, everyday put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don’t forget to breath…..
10 years later…
4 years ago
Smiles while digesting all you have said....You have had more than epiphany my dear friend. You have had an enlightenment that only the divine Heavenly Father can provide. He has provided you with gifts from heaven everyday since this almost unimaginable event has occurred. You have a new perspective that is allowing your eyes that once were babes in certain areas to be widen and comforted beyond what most people achieve in a lifetime. While you have carried and are dealing with your illness in only a few short days.
ReplyDeleteMore than you can handle, is often a question I have pondered and tossed back and forth several times in my life. And in my experience it may feel like it is more than I can handle...but I have always had the tools, people, and his provided resources all around me. I only had to open my eyes and see what and who he has placed in my life to deal with the issue/obstacle in front of me. Smiles which is exactly as you are doing my friend. Trust and obey that he is in control and guiding everyone in your presence and those he has set forth to facilitate healing and your health care in your future. For it is his hands and his wisdom guiding the doctors and nurses who will assist in your healing!
Starting this blog will indeed be an emotional healing that will last you a lifetime! Kudos my dear friend on the courage to write from your perspective and your heart! Love you much ~M~
Thanks for sharing your story with us, Andy.
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