WOW!

I thought the last time I wrote was information over load. I was wrong. I didn't realized that you could actually reach a point where no matter how bad you want to think, and I mean about anything, you just cannot make your brain work. It's possible. I actually forgot how to get to the bathroom today, and I was standing in front of the door! And the worst part is it ain't over. If this keeps up I may actually get committed for being comatose on my feet.

This is going to be another long one. I apologize, but to make it understandable there is simply no way around it. We had our appointment at MD Anderson last Friday. When you first arrive the nurse does the initial intake, asking a million questions. Then the Physician Assistant comes in, asks the same million questions, does a brief exam then leaves to get the doctor. This visit, the Assistant came back in and informed us that the doctor was looking over my latest PET Scan, done just weeks ago, and told us that he had found a spot in my right lung that he didn't like. She told us that he was looking over all of the Scans, MRI's, CT Scans done over the last year to see if the spot showed up in any of them. Finally the doctor came in and said those magic words you love to hear when you are at one of the leading cancer hospital's in the world........I have bad news. YAH! What he told us was that there is a nodule in my right lung that "lit up" on the PET Scan and was bigger than it should be. (It wasn't in any other scans.) He told us that in his opinion, he would feel safe saying as percentages go, the chances are 90% that it is cancer. He then told us that if we wanted to have a biopsy done that we could but that it comes with a lot of risks. The biggest risk is the lung collapsing. He stated, and we are in agreement, that doing a biopsy is simply irrelevant. The reason is because the fear that we have had all along is that the cancer would metastasize and it has. And because of that there are most likely micro-metastasized cancer cells other places in my body. Thus it is not very important that it be biopsied because whether or not it is won't change the treatment plan. Upon asking him, he told me he would put me at stage 4 cancer.

We then began discussing treatment options. Actually he and Rebecca discussed them. I was sitting in the corner staring into la la land wondering if I could jump over the exam table and be out the door in less than two steps. What I finally learned the next day was he suggested three treatment plans. Mild, Moderate, and Advanced. Fairly simple sounding names. Don't let that fool you. I did. The moderate is one drug with only a 1% effective rate, would be done here at home and is fairly inexpensive. I would also be able to work during the treatments. The moderate is a combination of two drugs, is only 4% effective, costs around $15,000 a treatment, and would take a minimum of 5 months. Most likely I would not be able to work during that time due to being sick from the treatments. The advanced has two options. Both are a combination of drugs that are about 16% effective, range in cost from $45,000-$75,000 a treatment, can only be done at MD Anderson in Houston, and is physically brutal on the patient. They both are a minimum of 5 months which obviously means I won't be able to work. I also have to pass a physical exam just to see if my body can handle the treatments. It would mean being in the hospital in Houston for one week during the treatments, then off for two weeks, then back again for a week, and so on. The last question that Rebecca asked was what was the prognosis without any treatments. The answer, I have 18 months to live. At that point, while still in la la land and planning my escape, I am pretty sure I started drooling. All I wanted was to leave. When we got home we started looking up the drugs that are involved we found several articles that said once it gets into the lungs the patient has 15-18 months to live without treatments.

So the quandary. At this point we feel the only option is one of the advanced treatments. We understand that the cancer has gone "mobile" and that is not good. Whether or not the spot in my lung is cancer is irrelevant. We have to do something, and it needs to be aggressive. The problems now are numerous. First there is the obvious, money. Not counting the cost of the treatments, there is me not working and trying to maintain our life here. We will have to take measures to down size to the bare minimum financially. Then there is being in Houston for more than 6 months. The logistics are mind boggling. There is travel, food, medicine, and the list goes on. But, and what weighs on our decision more, is the long term prognosis is not good. I called a good friend of mine today who is a Radiologist at the Cancer Treatment Centers of American in Tulsa. After a conversation with him, he spoke with an Oncologist there and both immediately said I need to go to MD Anderson. We are going to go. One way or another, we are going. But, and I don't like to ask, we need help. Please pray that God works things out for us to go to Houston. Please pray that God works things out here at home. Especially, please pray for my family, all of them. The stakes have been raised once again and the fight is on. We are going to fight with every ounce of our beings, and are going to seek out every option possible. I will be honest, I have not had a good day. I have let the fear take over. I have asked why me, what now, what are we going to do? All we can do at this point is put one foot in front of the other, work towards going to Houston, and trust that God will open the doors. We trust that all will be okay.

Remember every day to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath.....................