Information Overload!

Well I am going to skip the weather issues and other anecdotes on this one. It is going to be a long one, sorry. We have been filled with tons of information over the last two days and in the final analysis, I don't know that we feel any better about things than we did before. I will do my best to explain in short and understandable terms where we are.

Let me first cover some points about melanoma. It is probably the least understood cancer, and without a doubt the hardest cancer to treat. Mine was an advanced melanoma. And with melanoma the cells, in the beginning, are microscopic. So small in fact that they can, and normally go undetected by all tests until they reach a certain size. The obvious problem with that is once they are detected they can be a serious issue. For example, one of the questions we had was my blood work. Every time I go to the doctor they do blood work, and every time it is fine. When we asked the doctor about that she said that is normal. It very rarely shows itself in the blood work. The next issue, and really the main issue with melanoma, is a term called metastasis. In essence, it means the cancer cells have begun to spread. I call it going mobile. With melanoma, the statistics are not good. Most don't survive advanced melanoma. And one of the worst things that can happen is that it shows up later in another part of the body. Thus, it metastasizes. It has gone mobile. One of the things we asked the doctor was when it shows up in another part of the body like my lymph-nodes, is it still melanoma or is it lymphoma? The answer was simple, melanoma. She said that once that diagnosis has been made, no matter where it shows up it is still melanoma. When we left the doctor's office yesterday my dad said it best. I will paraphrase, but basically he said, everything I have read about melanoma is, if it comes back anywhere else other than the original site, it is not good. It means that it has metastasized and the fight is on. I don't know a better way to sum it up. Another of the basic questions was, what stage do they consider me. Cancer has four stages, one through four, four being the worst. She has me at stage three. Bad, but not stage four. Stage four is mostly when it gets into organs. Obviously our fear at this point is that if it has metastasized it could be in other parts of my body but has not grown enough to show itself yet. One of the doctor's statements to me was, I understand this is your worst fear come true. Very true.

The next step is surgery. I am scheduled for surgery on Tuesday the 7th. What the surgeon will do is take out a lymph-node, do some sort of test where they freeze the node and photograph it. From that they will be able to confirm that it is cancerous. At that point they will do a full node dissection. When they remove the nodes they will be biopsied and from that the Oncologist will be able to determine a lot. They will then be able to tell if it has metastasized. Don't ask me how, that is way over my head. But the information they receive from the pathology lab will determine what will happen next. Another one of the issues discussed was possible treatments. Basically chemotherapy is useless against melanoma. There will most likely be radiation on my right arm and shoulder area. You may remember when we went through round one, one of the suggestions was a drug called interferon. At the time we opted not to do it. It is the only drug, so far, that has shown any affect on melanoma. But it is a horrible drug for most people, with terrible side effects. Our doctor did say that we might have to look at it as a real possibility this time. (We hope not!) There is a new melanoma drug that has shown the best results by far, but it has not gotten final approval by the FDA yet. I think that the biggest thing that has caught me off guard so far was, if they do a full node dissection I will possibly have a lot of problems in the future with my right arm. With the nodes gone, a great amount of fluid will collect in my right arm causing swelling, lymphedema, and infections. One of the biggest contributors to those issues is usage of the arm. I will have to limit what I do with that arm. Not good for my line of work. I won't be able, if those things occur, to fight with people or do too much with that arm. When we brought that up with the Oncologist the first thing she said was that I may not be able to be a cop anymore and that she would help us get on medical disability. We asked the surgeon about the same issue today and he confirmed my fears as well. In our retirement system I cannot medical retire until my ten year mark. I am at six and one half. Not what I wanted to hear. I knew what the end result of the cancer could be, but I never thought I may have to give up the job that I love in the process.

Let me first of all say this. We are not being negative, nor will we EVER give up. Rebecca and I made a few commitments to each other when all of this started a year ago. The first and foremost is that we will always be honest with each other, the kids, and each one of you. I was watching a video clip the other day on the new melanoma drug on MSNBC. The first statement that the doctor being interviewed made was, "advanced melanoma historically is a death sentence". That is our reality. Not that we think that will happen. But we also won't bury our heads in the sand, whistle dixie, and pretend everything will be okay. We have to know what we could face. The fact is, if things go the way we think, this is going to be a greater challenge. We both have to worry about sick time at work. I have some left but it won't last long. The kids still have to be fed, the bills have to get paid, life goes on no matter what. The fear is multiplied this time, partly because we are more educated that we were the last. One of the other commitments we made was that when we get bad news, we give each other a day or two to feel whatever we each need to feel. Whether it is angry, sad, scared, frustrated or any other feeling. We give ourselves that time to feel it, deal with it, and be done with it. We then come back together and say, okay, enough. Now we shift those gears and fight, period. We are pushing in the clutch and starting to shift. It is going to be a long weekend waiting for Tuesday. But, one thing is for sure, we have been through a lot and have learned how to keep going forward and fight with all we have. We have a great support of family and friends who have done and continue to do so much for us. It has been great to have my Mom and Dad with us every step of the way this week. So that is where we are and what we know. And yes I asked the surgeon today if I got the buy three get the fourth surgery free deal and he said no. Oh well, worth a try. We will keep everyone updated as we know more.

Remember every day to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breathe.............