Houston, We have a problem.........

I wish I could sit here and say that I haven't agonized over this decision, been scared in a way that I never knew was humanly possible, or just completely locked up at times, but I can't. I have done all of that over the last several days. This has and still is an absolutely unbelievable experience to go through. It is well past a journey. But we continue on.

We are going to Houston for treatments. In one sense I am relieved a decision has been made. In other ways I am more scared now than ever before. We also made the decision to move out of our house and move in with one of Rebecca's family members. It's the last thing that I or we wanted to do, but we have no other option. We have no short term disability at work, and we simply cannot stay here with me not having any income. I hate that we have to turn the kids lives upside down like that, I hate that this disease is causing my families lives to change completely with no end in sight, and I hate that I have no control over it at this point. I hate that this has been so completely overwhelming for Rebecca and I. We are having to do our best to make the right decisions with what little information we have. I hate watching my parents go through this. Your not supposed to have these kinds of conversations with your parents. I hate that most likely I will have to walk away from my career that I love. I am too young. I hate that the very treatments that are supposed to help me could kill me. I hate that the doctors agree that I have most likely have mirco-melanoma cells all over my body that we may not find till it's too late. I hate that we don't know yet how my body will respond to the treatment's. Will it make me so sick I won't be able to come home during that time? I hate that my wife and parents, family and friends, will have to watch me go through all that.

If you haven't picked up on it yet I am a little bit angry right now. I have said all along I will always be honest with where I am at. I also share that because I have talked a lot about how for me, shifting the mental and emotional gears is important for me. Well I have shifted a gear now. I think being angry at this thing is a good thing for me. All of the things I just talked about, along with a million other things have been swimming in my head for the last several days. And making the decision to go to Houston, even though it created many more questions, helps me get focused on fighting. And when I get angry and focused usually means you better just get out of my way. I won't stop until I win it. (You can ask the people who know me best, I can be a little more that tenacious when I reach this point.) We are going to make any sacrifice necessary to do whatever we have to, to not only make this work, but to win it. As several of my friends have said all along, I am just too mean to lose to cancer.

We still need tons of prayers. We have so much that is up in the air right now. Big decisions will still have to be made from here on out. It is not going to be easy on any front, but all we can do now is take things one step at a time. What we do know is we will go to Houston and the first couple of days will be more testing. Then I will be admitted into the hospital to begin the treatments. I will be in the hospital for a week for the treatments, then will be out for two weeks then back in a week. This will go on for a minimum of 5 months depending on how well the cancer responds. They told us that it will be up to me and how I feel if I will be able to travel home during those two weeks off. If not we will then face the issues of trying to find a place to stay there in Houston. If you remember, we had talked about the real possibility of me going on permanent medical disability due to the last surgery and the loss of the nodes. We are going to look into that now to see if that will be an option. It would at least, at some point, bring in some income. I could go on and on but I will stop. The important thing for us it is time to fight. And the fight is on. We cannot say thank you enough for all of the help, prayers, phone calls and cards we have already gotten. Those are the things that give us the strength to get through this. THANK YOU!

We don't have anything set in stone in terms of a date, but when we do we will let everyone now. We are going to spend the next couple of weeks packing, moving, and doing what needs to be done now to get ready. I will post more next week. Oh and if you were wondering about the title? I don't think the doctor's and nurses have any idea what they are getting themselves into with me.......hehehehe........

Andy,

Remember everyday to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath.............

Signed,

Andy