This is a beautiful October Glory Maple tree in our front yard. Being home most days I have had the joy of watching it make its fall transformation. Last evening I walked outside to see the most amazing sunset. The picture does not do justice to what I was able to stand there and soak in. God's amazing glory and the gift of slowing down life to enjoy these pleasures I would normally ignore, gifts that have come in spite of the way they got here. Funny that I am making my own transformations during the time the earth is making hers. I know how I feel about hers, it's mine I am not so sure about some days. Some days I just don't know how to feel. I stood in awe looking at that sunset and was reminded how much bigger all of this is than me. I only hope that no matter what happens, I will never forget to "stop and smell the roses".

We need a new kind of prayer. As I have said the battle we face is both scary and unsure. The one thing I am learning about this melanoma is even the best doctors in the world just don't know much about it. They know even less about how to treat it. I have been doing a lot of reading about interferon, the treatment that has been suggested, and the more I learn about it the less excited I am about doing it. As I said in a previous blog, it is not designed to kill cancer but rather to boost my immune system which they think helps fight any cancer cells that may return in the future. Statistically it is supposed to reduce the recurrence rate from 85% to 70%, and possibly push back the time frame of the recurrence. It won't stop it, or even prevent it. It is a controversial topic in the medical community. My doctors here are suggesting I not do it. The doctors at MD Anderson and another well respected cancer hospital are saying I should. Now if I only had one of those magic eight balls! The problem for me is the side effects can be brutal. I have read many stories where long term mental and physical effects were too much. Some of them, that I won't go into, were at best extreme. There are also those who go through it without any problems, even returning to a normal life during the treatments. All without any guarantee that it will even be effective. One full year of almost daily injections, possible bad side effects, and not a single promise that it will do even the slightest bit of good. Or it may help. For me, the definition of dilemma. Thus the request for a new kind of prayer. Pray for us to have wisdom in making this decision. Pray we will find the guidance that we need. Pray that if we choose to do it that the side effects will be minimal. Pray that Landry Jones will win games for OU. Wait sorry wrong prayer! Seriously I really just don't know what to do. I don't like not having an answer. We are going to meet with more doctors over the coming days and will make a decision soon. As soon as we know we will let all of you know. Please keep praying.

In the mean time I am going to try and keep things slow, and continue to to enjoy all the changes going on in and around me. When I go slower I can smell the roses without cutting my nose on the thorns!

Remember everyday to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath.......

Well it is Saturday morning, the day we go home. Rebecca and I talked a lot yesterday and we've tried to remind ourselves that it could always be worse and that a lot of good things have happened. I told her at one point that I am grateful we came to Houston in October, not July or August. I have been here during those months and the humidity is unreal! I am also grateful we had the opportunity to go to a place like MD Anderson. Just that alone is tremendous. There is so much that we are thankful for right now!



I want to say a few things about my post yesterday. I do not want anyone to think we are giving up, or are not going to fight! We are going to fight this with every ounce of being that we have! This is not going to get me anytime soon! (I am not done annoying my wife and mother yet, way too much fun.) We simply feel like we always need to be open and honest about what the doctors tell us and what is going on each day. We also, as a couple, feel like it is important for us to face reality. We aren't going to be morbid or obsess over it, but we also can't bury our heads in the sand and pretend it doesn't exist either. We feel there is a healthy balance. I told Rebecca yesterday that the long term prognosis, although bad, will be a great motivator for me to do the things I will need to do like the treatments and changing my eating habits. And a lot of you know me, I like to be "shot straight", tell me like it is and we will deal with it. Some body said "I wouldn't have had the nerve to ask the doctor what you did", well I didn't have the nerve not to! The fact that at this point there is no cancer to be found is a miracle! I know I have said it and it is true! We are very grateful for that. A lot of people we have talked to have asked what the significance of that is for us now. The best way I can describe it is war. What we did was win a battle, just not the war. But, how do you win the war? Win the battles! Andy 1, cancer 0. I still tell it everyday, you ain't gonna beat me. (I just thought of two or three more analogies I could have used in place of war so here goes. No just kidding I won't bore you but I do have a good boxing one!) My wife and I talked a lot yesterday about how this is going to change our lives on a daily basis, but how not to let it control us. We will hopefully find a healthy balance. I want to make one thing clear that I didn't yesterday. Rebecca asked the doctor if we stay on top of this and catch any recurrences early, can I still have a good thirty or forty years? He said yes, more than likely. There is our focus. Rebecca made a great point yesterday, who knows maybe over the next several years they will find a cure. Amen to that. But the bottom line is the only reason we are here today, and the reason why they can't find anymore cancer now is because of God and all your prayers! THANK YOU! I just cannot say it enough. We could not do this without you guys and your prayers and support. Your messages, phone calls, cards, and words of encouragement give us so much strength. So, to use a term from my generation, game on! We will start making doctor's appointments this week and get busy living, We will let everyone know when the treatments will start.

As I finish this we are home. It is good to be home. We are both sick now which is just great. We have had a long day are are ready to watch some football and go to bed! We love you guys!

Remember everyday to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath...........

Okay, here goes. We had our appointment at MD Anderson today. We got there around 9:00 a.m. I registered, was sent for blood work, then got back to a room. We had to fill out a medical history questionnaire before we got there. The nurse, physician's assistant, and the doctor all asked me the same questions we answered on the questionnaire! Then the physician's assistant examined me, left, then the doctor came in and did the same exam. Wow. Finally we were able to sit and visit with him. He was very professional, straightforward, and he answered all of our questions. What follows is the gist of our conversation.



As I have stated I have a Clarks Level 4 melanoma that was large, was ulcerated, and vascular. (Meaning into the veins.) Again, the miracle is that we still cannot find anymore cancer. But I had the things that you don't want to find in melanoma. As we spoke with the doctor he told us right off the bat that the recurrence rate for this type of cancer is 80%-85% within four years. The historical peak of recurrence is about 18 months. He told us that with melanoma, the cells are initially so microscopic they they may be missed by tests for a while. Meaning it still could have spread and we just can't find it yet. I will have to visit an Oncologist every three months for the rest of my life. He also told us the recurrence is usually in the same area. (meaning as a melanoma, not after the spreading) The treatment would then be surgery along with heavy localized chemo. and radiation. He then explained to us that anytime this type of cancer got into my liver, brain, or bones, that the chances of treating it would be slim. With treatments I would live about a year, without treatments about 5-6 months. I then asked him the question that's been in the back of my mind all along. I asked him if this would eventually kill me? His response, "yes it probably will". The survival rate of this kind of cancer, historically, is 20%-25%. We then discussed the options. Now, keep in mind, any treatments we do are not designed to kill cancer, only to prolong the recurrence. He suggested the drug interferon. It hopefully will lower the recurrence rate to 70% and push the time back a few years. It will be a full year of injections. The possible side effects are depression, fatigue, and flu like symptoms. We have done some research and it seems to depend on the individual. The interferon is supposed to boost my immune system, in turn allowing my body to fight the bad cells, which is the only thing they know is effective at fighting the melanoma cells. The good news is we will be able to do this at home. No more trips to Houston for now.

Well that is what we face. I have made the commitment all along to be honest with everyone. I also tell you the truth because we still need all the prayers we can get. The doctor also told us the best prevention will be Rebecca and I. We will have to constantly check my entire body for any changes. If we are clear now, and catch any recurrences early, we should be okay. We are both still in shock. I told my mom earlier, I feel like every time we walk out of a doctors office it feels like we have been punched in the gut and can't catch our breath. But for those of you who know me well know that I just need a couple of days to process this, and come next week we will ready to fight for my life. Mom summed it up today. Welcome to your new life. She's right, it changed forever today. I think I am done for tonight. To top everything off, I am getting sick!

Remember everyday, put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath.......

Well it is Monday evening as I write this. Today is Tylers twelfth birthday and I am sitting on the couch watching him play the new video game we bought him. The only bad part about these games is they are expensive, and he will have the whole game beat in a couple of days! We had a very good evening. After school we took him and the other kids to Cici's Pizza, then to Walmart to spend his birthday money, then to eat ice cream. We decided to wait until we came home from Houston to have a party. We just have too much to do to get ready. It was nice just to be together as a family for his day. It has been so exciting to watch him the last couple of days. He has been bouncing off the walls with excitement. It's been invigorating to be around that kind of youthful energy, not to mention the joy I get from watching the three of them grow. I used to get sad and question God wondering why I never had children. Not anymore. This was part of my destiny in life. This is just where I am supposed to be, and just who I am supposed to be with. What joy and peace it has brought to my life.

We are preparing to leave for Houston. We fly out Wednesday afternoon. Our appointment is Thursday morning at 10:00 a.m. Hopefully we will be back Saturday afternoon, unless something changes. We are again in a place with more questions than answers. We have no idea what to expect. Living that way will teach you a great deal about living one day at a time. You have to make a conscious choice to worry to about the unknown, or stay focused on today. I sleep better when I focus on today. When you are told that you have an illness that could ultimately take your life, it does funny things to your head. I know, imagine that! I have not had depression or anger, nor have I wanted to hide. Quite the opposite. I am ready to fight like no one has ever seen. I even say out loud everyday, cancer you picked on the wrong person! (Yes I really do.) I have heard the feelings will come out in different ways. If so, mine have been manifesting themselves in my dreams. Strange, weired, and some scary. The kind of dreams you wake yourself up from then sit there for a minute and come back to reality. (And for those of you who may be wondering, I quit taking my pain medication a week ago. I don't need a padded room.) The brain is an amazing thing. Puzzling, but amazing. As Rebecca and I talked about it today she reminded me it's probably another result of feeling things are out of control for me. And she is right. So much is past the end of my nose. But what really helps is remembering all of the miracles God has already worked so far. The list is too long for this. Someday maybe I will write a book about all the miracles God has worked in my life and the lives of my family. Amazing! So hopefully tonight I can get some rest. We have another long day tomorrow.


Please keep us in your prayers as we travel, and while we are in Houston. We will post on the blog Thursday night after our appointment. We are ready! We need more prayers! My wife Rebecca's best friend Becca, just found out today that she has Cervical Cancer. She has a husband and three small children. Lets show her what prayer is doing for us!

You want to know how much I love my wife? I have been to Walmart four times in the last three days! THAT is love. The good news is if I have to go through chemo I won't have to worry about my hair falling out, I pulled it all out on our last trip. Hope there aren't any Walmarts close in Houston, I would rather go to the hospital! We love you guys!

Remember everyday to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath.......

Well I got to put my new found outlook on life to the test yesterday. For the first time since the surgery, I had my first day back in the real world. I don't think I passed the test. I told Rebecca last night that I guess in my subconscious I have somehow expected things in life to go on hold or at least be smooth while we fight the cancer. Yeah I know what you are saying, I should know better. I got up yesterday and got dressed which was fun one handed. I had to take Brandon to the doctor, so I went to the other side of the house to wake him up. As I walked into the hall I saw the toilet overflowing in their bathroom, and noticed the two inches of water in the floor! So I shut the water off, got Brandon up and went to the doctor for what we thought was a 9:50 appointment. Turns out it was at 10:40. So two hours later we left the doctor. Then off to bank where I had to argue with them, then off to pharmacy where they over charged me $50.00 and another argument, then home to meet a plumber. He fixed the toilet, I watched him, only to have it over flow again later. It still isn't working. There's more but I won't bore you. Point is, and the question I had to ask myself is, how did I handle it? Honestly not too well. But it was also another good lesson learned. I was reminded it's not about what life hands me, it's simply about how I deal with what I am handed. I cannot control the world or others. I cannot control doctors, pharmacies, banks, or anything else past the end of my nose. Truthfully, I don't want to. All I can do is control my thoughts, actions, reactions and attitude. I mess up when I let others rent space in my brain. The bottom line is all those things, days like yesterday, just aren't worth worrying about. Like I said before all those "sayings", don't sweat the small stuff, life is too short, and our new favorite, it could always be worse, really mean something today.

What is important is my brother Jared flew into town yesterday to spend the weekend with me and the family! I am so excited to see him. It is going to be a great weekend. Family is what matters. Period.

When I first wrote this today, we hadn't heard anything from MD Anderson. We heard from them today., We have an appointment next Thursday October 22. It is the initial appointment so we don't really know what to expect. Right now we are in scramble mode to get travel, lodging, work and kid arrangements made! We love you guys!

Remember everyday, put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath........

I am speechless. I have gone back and forth since we left the doctors office yesterday about how to write about the kind of day we had. The simple, and only way I know how to put into words what we found out is, MIRACLE! Now I must say first, we are far from out of the woods, and we still have a long and tough fight in front of us. But what we heard was completely unexpected. When I got up yesterday I was fully prepared and ready to deal with the worst. I knew it was going to be a long day with the PET Scan, then having to deal with removing bandages and other physical issues. I was also prepared to hear about how far the cancer had traveled and how big of a battle we had to fight. And as I have said all along I am ready to fight. What happened was we got up and went to the PET Scan in the morning first, and as expected it was miserable. I guess I needed only one needle stick to check my blood sugar and inject me with dye, but two of them stuck me six times before they got one to work! I sat there and thought, I hope this isn't a sign of things to come. When we finally got out of there we went straight to the surgeons office for the surgery follow-up. I had to fast before the scan so by the time we got there I was hungry, frustrated and tired. Mom and Dad met us there and I am so grateful for that. When the nurse called us back, Rebecca and I walked into the room, and as we sat down the nurse said something about the pathology lab report. I think I said something like, oh good it's back. She, the nurse, said very casually, yeah it came back negative, (the lymph node) even the part they took out of your arm is negative. I just began to cry. The nurse then handed the lab report to us and surprisingly, there it was in plain english, negative for melanoma. (By surprising I mean plain english in a medical report!) I looked at my wife and said go get mom. Not only did we have to tell them the worst news, we got to tell them the best so far. All four of us just kind of stood or sat there with tears in our eyes trying to let it sink in. Then the doctor came in and told me that when he got to my lab report he gave out a yell because even he didn't expect that kind of report! Then he brought us back to reality reminding us that I still have a serious form of cancer, with a tough road ahead and a cancer with high return rate. We discussed some of our options and other things, then Mom and Dad left the room and the fun began. The wrap and stitches came off my arm which wasn't fun, and yes I almost passed out. Then the drain came out, praise God! Then the real fun came when he ripped the bandage off of my thigh, and Rebecca and I both almost passed out. I still have to wear my sling and keep my arm immobile for several weeks, but it will be easier now to function and I can shower again! Then when we finally got home I was on the phone with papa (a.k.a. dad) and the other line rang. I recognized the number as the surgeons office. When I answered it, it was Dr. Garber, and he said more good news the PET Scan is clear, it shows no cancer! My jaw dropped. I think I remember a high five with Rebecca! High five, where did that come from?!

Now having said all of that, I still want to repeat what I said earlier, we are far from out of the woods. While we are rejoicing in the miracle so far, we still have more work to do. We made the decision from the beginning to go to MD Anderson in Houston for a consultation. We still are. We want the best people in the world working on this with us and that's where they are. Rebecca called them yesterday and began the process. We have to get them all my records and they will review them, then schedule an appointment. They have already told us to be prepared for another surgery right off the bat. They told us that while most surgeons remove and test one lymph node, they remove and test ten. And most treatments, while focused more on future prevention than killing current cells, will be long and arduous, and will make me sick. The main reason I am telling you this is each of you proved yesterday that prayer works, and God is a big God of big miracles! Without each of you and your prayers and thoughts, yesterday would have never happened. I, by all rights, should have cancer all over my body. But the miracle is I don't!Each of you and this experience has stirred a faith inside of me I cannot put into words, thank you! Mine and Rebecca's prayers, on our own, just aren't big enough. So we ask you keep them coming. We are going to need them even more. We will be going to Houston in the next three weeks and we still face the same challenges we did before. There are going to be financial challenges with the travel and each of us missing work. There may really be challenges with Rebecca missing work. There will be obstacles with the kids staying home and in a normal routine. There may be times I have to stay in Houston without my wife. There will be more physical challenges for me. And the list goes on, so we ask that you keep the prayers coming, without them we can't do it! And the "you know what lady" hasn't started singing yet. What I am telling people about the good news from yesterday is it is not an all clear, but it is the best news we could have got. And we are rejoicing!

I have to share another story with you. I have a very good friend, Ron Badertscher. We lived next door to each other before Rebecca and I married and moved to Owasso. I have known Ron for about six years. His mother, Stacy, passed away from cancer several years ago. Ron is a big part of a non-profit organization called Cancer Sucks! He sent me a message yesterday and told me that he was glad to hear our great news yesterday. Yesterday would have been her sixtieth birthday! He said, "what great news to hear on her day". Truly so. Thanks Ron.

Well on a lighter note. I got to sleep in our bed last night and it was great! I am also going to attempt a shower tonight, and I know a few who are grateful for that! Again, we cannot thank you all enough for all you have done! We love you guys!

Remember everyday to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath.......

Well it is day something! I am still sitting on the couch. Same view! All in all, things are still good. No pain to speak of and we are grateful still. I had a rough night, night before last. I have never taken pain pills before and they began to really play havoc on my stomach. Thanks to my brother, Jared the pharmacist, he was able to give me a remedy and I am much better now. I want to say a huge thank you to our dear friend Melissa. She called and came over Monday night. She took it upon herself to come over and pamper us. She exfoliated Rebecca's face and hands. (I think that's what it is called, and no I did not have mine done!) Then she gave us both foot massages! And I mean a full massage with two kinds of cream and warm water. It was incredible! It also has to be one of the most selfless acts I have seen in a long time. It was a true example of putting others first, and giving without expectations. I, for the first time in my life, grasped the full lesson of washing someones feet. Thank you Melissa, not only did we both enjoy it immensely, you taught me another lesson in life. One I truly needed to learn.

Okay, since this blog morphed into me trying to express my feelings and thoughts, it requires honesty on part. Otherwise it will be meaningless. So, today I am not so good. Physically good. Mentally not so good. Part of it is the sitting on the couch and not being able to do anything, and having to rely so heavily on someone else. If I have never been anything else in life, I have been independent. For those of you who don't know me well, I need to be busy. I love being at home, but even at home I am constantly busy. Cleaning house, (yes I like cleaning) working in the yard or the garage, just staying busy. So, on day whatever, I am getting restless. I also go in tomorrow for the PET Scan and I am not looking forward to having to lay completely still for two hours with the bandages, sling and drain. Not to mention just being still for that long. The bigger issue is still the waiting. I guess in the aftermath of the surgery I have had enough to keep my mind busy. But the last couple of days I have regressed into worrying about the unknown again. We are still waiting on the lymph node biopsy and I am really ready for an answer. If it is cancerous it will require another surgery which excites me very little. I just want answers and I am growing impatient. I try not to but it is getting tough. We also see the surgeon tomorrow and I am hoping they at least take the drain out. I will say overall I am still confident we are going are going to beat this thing, it is just one of those days. Fear still creeps in from from time to time, guess it's part of the journey. Keep us in your prayers tomorrow.

My how God works. The kids just got home from school and the house is again full of laughter and energy. Just what the doctor ordered. We love you guys!

Remember every day to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath........