I find myself in a weird place the last few days. I am not sure quite how to express how I feel except to say I feel somewhat lost. I think part of the problem is I don't feel sick. My family and I are still amazed that I am not having any major side effects from the treatments. Nor do I have any physical problems from the cancer. I have to remind myself sometimes that I am a stage four cancer patient! I guess the biggest issue is that I have very little to do right now since I am not working. I used to think it would be great to be in a position to not have to work. Well I was wrong. And what makes it harder is the fact that I feel fine most of the time. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about feeling good, I am very grateful for that. But it makes the down time harder. Another problem is because of the pick line in my left arm, and the lympedema in my right arm, I am restricted to lifting less than ten pounds. I also have to be very careful not to cut or hurt my right arm. That can lead to an infection which would be bad for me. I guess the bottom line is the boredom is getting old. In the big picture of things we are so very grateful that things are good and boredom isn't going to kill me. It's just another one of those things that I call "cancer fallout" that I didn't expect. It's actually kind of funny now that I have talked about it. Oh well maybe it's time to start reading more cause I can tell you there is nothing on TV most of the time!
We got a piece of news today that was a great relief. I haven't blogged about it because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it at the time. Brianna, our nine year old daughter, has a birth mark that had two moles in it that were changing. We took her to my dermatologist before we left for Houston to have it looked at. While we were in Houston her grandmother took her back to the doctor to have them removed and sent off for testing. Of course, under the circumstances, you can imagine our fears while waiting for the test results. They were negative, praise God. I have blogged before about my belief's about God not giving us more than we can handle. I can honestly say I don't know what we would have done, especially Rebecca, if things had turned out different. Thank God we didn't have to "handle" that!
I start my search tomorrow for a doctor here at home who will simply follow what the doctor at MD Anderson prescribes for my treatments. We really would like to stay at home for the next round and any that may follow. We should have an answer by the end of the week. Keep us in your prayers that we will find the right doctor. We will keep everyone updated.
Remember everyday to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath..................................
There really isn't anything on tv. I have one more book to read that Rebecca brought me. I have played on the computer lots! I get on youtube and listen to all kinds of music. I read until my eyes crossed.
ReplyDeleteI felt fine as long as I didn't get up and do anything. But I was sick of sleeping all of the time in less than a week. I am not good at doing nothing for very long.
I could think of all kinds of things that I could do if only.....
I am lucky enough that I got to go back to work 1/2 days last week. That keeps me busy for 5-6 hours each day.
Mine should only take about 7-9 weeks. Yours will last much much longer. I do not want to trade you!
This short termer bored person is wishing the long termer bored person luck on finding stuff to do!