Running out of titles.............

Man it is quiet in the house this Sunday morning. The kids are gone and Rebecca is still sleeping. I enjoy quiet much more than I used to. It gives me time to sit, be quiet, and reflect, if I choose to, and I have to be honest, I don't always choose to. I am learning that there are some times thinking too much at this point in my life isn't always a good thing. But I am learning to enjoy it every chance I get.



I was sent the link to a blog this week written by a man who is a journalist and melanoma survivor. (He is a much better writer!) The first post I read was about his struggle to be honest about his feelings. As any who follow my blog will know, I try my best to always be honest about where I am at and what I am feeling. So it was good to read about someone else's struggle to be open and honest. I have to admit, there are things that go through my head almost on a daily basis that I simply don't share with anyone. And I think for a multitude of reasons. One of them being I have learned that some people simply aren't prepared to hear certain things. I shouldn't expect people to always understand my fears or concerns. I also am careful not to share certain things because I don't ever want anyone to think that I focus on the bad in this thing. But for me to not have those thoughts and fears is unrealistic. I have yet to figure out how to be fear free. Fear is after all a God given, self-preserving instinct. I also believe, and this isn't rocket science, that I have to deal with my fears but not focus on them, or maybe a better way to say it is I cannot obsess on them. But all of this got me to thinking, how do I expect others to respond when I ask them how they are doing?

We all do it. When we see someone we know it is natural to ask, how are you? Do I expect an honest answer from them, or do I simply want the proverbial everything is good response? Do I expect the same honesty from the check-out person at the store as I do from my best friend? Am I prepared to be a good listener no matter who needs to talk? Simply put, I don't expect the check-out person to be as honest as a friend. And I hope that my wife will always answer more honestly than anyone else. But the question that I have come to ask myself, no matter who I ask is, do I really want the truth? Am I concerned enough about others to be prepared to listen when I ask? What is my motivation? Keep in mind, I don't think the check-out line at the grocery store is the time or place, but, I still must ask myself if I really care about them. Or am I too concerned about me and my life that I cannot focus on someone else, even for a few minutes.

Many people have asked me if this journey through cancer has changed me and my perspective on life. Simply put yes. It would take years to write about all of the ways. And I am starting to learn that this is one area I haven't done well in. Too many days it has been too easy to focus on only me and my problems. I have not been the kind of husband, father, son, brother, friend, or human being I should be. I haven't really wanted people to be honest with me when I ask them how they are doing. I haven't done much to serve others. So the question now is what will I do about it? Am I willing to get out of myself and focus on someone else, even if for a moment? Will I be willing to listen to someone who may need to talk? Will I do more for others without any expectiation of any reward? Can I get out of my own way?

Remember every day to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath...............................