I never would have thought.............

Wow, I just looked down at my watch and realized it is already December! Where does the time go? And yes, as I get older time seems to go even faster. I can honestly say one thing for sure, when this year began I never, not in a million years, would have been able to guess how this year would end. Never saw it coming, not quite like it has. All I can say is this year has been many things. One of them is the "I never would have thought" year. Let me explain.

"I never would have thought that I would actually work less days this year than I have worked, and still have my job!" Okay, that is one example. I wanted to give you a little taste to help you understand my thinking. I sometimes use the term "cancer fallout". It is actually interchangeable with the term "I never would have thought" when I use it. Now that we are hopefully on the same page I shall begin. I will start with some of the more obvious:

1. I never would have thought that I would end the year as a stage four cancer patient. It's not something you add to your New Year's resolutions or a to-do list.

2. I never would have thought that I would sit on the couch so much that the cushion's would take on and hold the shape of my backside. They did. Enough said.

3. I never would have thought that I would be able to tell you all the good places to stop between here and Houston, TX. Just ask me, I really do know a great beef jerky place.

4. I never would have thought that I would spend so much time in Texas. I am sorry to all my Texan friends but I still feel a little dirty when I get home from there. I have to ask Bob Stoops to forgive me.

5. I never would have thought that I would actually be able to give a guy in Houston directions on how to get somewhere in Houston. It really happened at a stop light, and he lives there!

6. I never would have thought that I would get used to being stuck in the back of the hand with needles. Wait, never mind, still not used to it.

7. I never would have thought that I would spend so much time in doctor's offices and hospital's. It's payback for all those years I refused to go to the doctor. I call it a conspiracy.

8. I never would have thought that I would be on a first name basis with someone at the health insurance company. I am still deciding if I should buy her a Christmas present. Nope never mind.

9. I never would have thought that I would get caught with chewing tobacco in my mouth, in the hospital room at the MD Anderson Cancer Hospital, by the doctor, with my mother in the room. True story! hehehehehehe.....................

10. I never would have thought that I would see so many people, especially in Owasso, Collinsville, and Law Enforcement, do so much for us to allow us to fight this fight with all we have. But you did.

11. I never would have thought that this journey would bring me even closer to people in my life who I care so much about and who care so much about me. But thank God it did.

12. I never would have thought that this journey would actually push some people further away from me. Sad, but very true. (My commitment to honesty.)

I could go on and on. So much has truly happened that I haven't expected. Some good and some not good. It's part of life. But I think what has been most surprising to me is all of the good that has happened in my life in spite of such a bad situation. Some of it is truly funny, and that has been one of the great "cancer fallouts". I have said from the beginning I had two choices that day the doctor told us the news. I could give up and die, or I could fight and make the most of each day. I chose, and still choose the latter. And humor is a huge part of getting better. I love to laugh at situations, and love even more to laugh at myself. I can do some pretty funny stuff and trust me I don't mean to most of the time. And there has been some rough times as well. There really are people in my life who have gone the other direction for some reason. Maybe it's fear, maybe it's making them deal with their own realities, I really don't know. But it breaks my heart. There have been some day's that just aren't good for me. Some day's I have focused on the wrong things, or allowed the negative to control my thinking. I am not perfect. But what I can say is this, one of the strangest "fallouts" for me has been, in some ways this has been one of the best things to happen to me. It has changed my perspective on life in so many ways it would take me forever to write about all of them. Hopefully it is, and will make me a better human being. Hopefully, no matter how much time I have left, I will leave this world a better place than I found it. (I am not saying this is going to get me. Let's face it, we don't know how much time we have on this earth. If the Tulsa Transit ever start's running a bus route, in my neighborhood, in Owasso, and a bus comes by at the exact moment that I step into the street, and it is exceeding the speed limit of 25 mph, and it doesn't brake or swerve to miss me, I could be hit and killed by a bus!) It's possible. It' all up to me and the choices I make. Aw, I think I will save that for another day.

Remember everyday to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath..................