Donate Button

Two blogs in one day, I know, I know. But it was suggested to us by a new friend that we set up a PayPal account and link it to the blog so it would be easier for people to donate. Again after some consternation on my part, and pushing by family and friends I did. (Rebecca did all the computer work!) It is the donate button in the top right hand corner of the blog. Once again another example of the incredible things others are doing for us right now! Thanks Mike.

Schedule

My favorite time of day, my favorite time of year. I just dropped the kids off at school, the wife is in bed and it is quiet in the house. And sitting on the porch on a beautiful fall morning with my coffee is just about perfect. Then the dump truck goes by, oh well. Which reminds me, I am going to call the city of Owasso today and see if they will put up some orange barrels, or cones, or signs in front of my house because I think the street we live on is the only street in Tulsa County that is not under some sort of construction! I remember laughing so hard I cried one day a few years ago. They were redoing the State Capitol building in Oklahoma City, and I don't know if it was a real contest or just something the paper was doing, but they were taking suggestions for what should go on top of the dome. One guy said and orange construction barrel! I am still laughing today.

Well we now have a schedule for next week. We leave on Tuesday the 5th. We don't have to be at the hospital until Thursday morning at 8:30. When the nurse called it took her twenty minutes to give Rebecca the schedule for that day. We literally have appointments from 9:00 that morning until 8:00 that night. I get to do everything from a counseling session, to blood work, to scans (yes I get to drink barium) to stress tests, and heart tests and on and on. Then we return to the hospital on Friday morning at 8:30 for my catheter. Let me pause right here for a minute. When I initially heard that word, I called everything off. Apparently it's not the kind of catheter I was thinking about. It's actually a port where they will always inject the treatments. Okay, so lets call it a port, not a catheter. Because, and I told Rebecca, if they try the catheter the way I am thinking I will run out of the hospital and will beat her back to Tulsa! There are just some things where I will draw the line. I have my standards. Then we will meet with the doctor and nurse later that day to go over the treatment plan and will have to be admitted in the hospital before 11:00 pm on Friday. Then the first round will begin. And yes Adam (a fellow Officer from Altus who commented on my last blog) I have been in touch with the Texas State FOP Vice-President who has been incredibly helpful. Again, we are still just amazed at the response and help we are getting from all over the country. Simply amazing.

We are doing good. My brother came to town this week and I am getting to spend some time with him which is always great. Yesterday was a good day. So far, today is a good day. We have a lot to do to get ready to leave but we are also trying to take some time for ourselves and not let it overwhelm us. It has been a wonderful lesson and reminder for me to focus on today, and not worry about tomorrow and things I cannot control. It's times like this that help me see that even when life is normal, I spend far too much time worrying about things tomorrow, or next week or even next year. I have today and I am grateful for that. We still have to do things to plan ahead, that is part of life, but I also don't have to allow those things to become a point of stress for me either. When I do, I miss out on things like helping the kids with their homework. (Yes I was helping with third grade math last night and was totally lost. Go ahead laugh, next time I will call one of you!) I have also realized that when I spend my time worrying or focused on things that I cannot control I can become absent from my own family, even in the same room. So, we enjoy today. Whatever happens in Houston, we will find out about when we get there. Suddenly the word balance comes to mind. No I haven't figured it out, but there is a lesson in that word for me.

Thank you again to each and everyone of you for you love and support. I cannot express how important each of you are to us in this journey. We will keep you posted as always.

Remember everyday to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath..............

Good Morning!

You know if I could have sat down and ordered up the perfect weather day it would have been yesterday. What an absolutely gorgeous day! I was joking with someone that we had better enjoy this week because knowing how things go in Oklahoma it could be snowing next week. And believe me I am enjoying it.

There isn't a lot of news to talk about except we aren't going to have to move. Things fell into place that will allow us to stay in our home. I am beyond grateful. I cannot express how grateful I am. I also had to sit down yesterday and sign a will, medical and financial power of attorney, and end of life directives. I have to be honest, it wasn't something I was planning on doing at this point in my life but it is part of being smart and prudent. Later in the day I told Rebecca don't take the $637.42 and my two worldly possessions and blow them all in one place! She laughed and reminded me that I am not even worth that much (financially)! In some ways this week has been very surreal. Things like signing those documents was very weired. Trying to get disability. weired as well. But something really amazing has happened to me over the last few days. I have found a new strength and a new frame of mind. Much of the fear that I felt last week has begun to melt away and I am starting to see this as just another adventure in life. And the best part is I know what is causing it. Each one of you!

I have been utterly amazed and humbled at the people who are going far above and beyond to help us. There is already numerous fundraisers in the works, money has been donated, our yard is taken care of, and the list goes on. I have even received emails and messages from people I have never met. What I am learning is that once I let go and started accepting help, I found a new source of strength. When someone calls, writes or texts, I get filled with strength and some of that fear goes away. I could go on and on but I won't. We simply want to say thank you. There will never be any way we will be able to repay all that has been and will be done for us. But I want you to know that each of you have already helped in ways you can never imagine. I feel better mentally, emotionally and physically. I am more ready each day to get to Houston and fight with everything I have. I am less and less scared of the treatments, less scared of the financial issues, and more trusting that God will take care of us no matter what. I have said from the beginning to my immediate family that this isn't just my fight, it's a family fight. Well the fight just got a whole lot bigger because each of you are my family, and we cannot do it without you. THANK YOU!

Well we don't know the exact date but will leave the first of next week sometime. I am scheduled to check into the hospital on October 8th to begin the first round of treatments. Then hopefully I will feel like coming home in the following two weeks. I guess one thing I should request prayer for is the doctor's and nurses at the hospital. As much as I don't know what I am getting myself into, they have not a clue what they are getting themselves into with me. You will need to pray that they can deal with me as well! Oh and definitely pray for my wife and parents as well. I can be a handful! Hey you gotta have fun as much as possible and hopefully I will be able to do that during all of this. I will blog again sometime soon but I wanted today to let each of you know how grateful we are for all that is being done. Absolutely amazing!

Remember each day to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath...............

Houston, We have a problem.........

I wish I could sit here and say that I haven't agonized over this decision, been scared in a way that I never knew was humanly possible, or just completely locked up at times, but I can't. I have done all of that over the last several days. This has and still is an absolutely unbelievable experience to go through. It is well past a journey. But we continue on.

We are going to Houston for treatments. In one sense I am relieved a decision has been made. In other ways I am more scared now than ever before. We also made the decision to move out of our house and move in with one of Rebecca's family members. It's the last thing that I or we wanted to do, but we have no other option. We have no short term disability at work, and we simply cannot stay here with me not having any income. I hate that we have to turn the kids lives upside down like that, I hate that this disease is causing my families lives to change completely with no end in sight, and I hate that I have no control over it at this point. I hate that this has been so completely overwhelming for Rebecca and I. We are having to do our best to make the right decisions with what little information we have. I hate watching my parents go through this. Your not supposed to have these kinds of conversations with your parents. I hate that most likely I will have to walk away from my career that I love. I am too young. I hate that the very treatments that are supposed to help me could kill me. I hate that the doctors agree that I have most likely have mirco-melanoma cells all over my body that we may not find till it's too late. I hate that we don't know yet how my body will respond to the treatment's. Will it make me so sick I won't be able to come home during that time? I hate that my wife and parents, family and friends, will have to watch me go through all that.

If you haven't picked up on it yet I am a little bit angry right now. I have said all along I will always be honest with where I am at. I also share that because I have talked a lot about how for me, shifting the mental and emotional gears is important for me. Well I have shifted a gear now. I think being angry at this thing is a good thing for me. All of the things I just talked about, along with a million other things have been swimming in my head for the last several days. And making the decision to go to Houston, even though it created many more questions, helps me get focused on fighting. And when I get angry and focused usually means you better just get out of my way. I won't stop until I win it. (You can ask the people who know me best, I can be a little more that tenacious when I reach this point.) We are going to make any sacrifice necessary to do whatever we have to, to not only make this work, but to win it. As several of my friends have said all along, I am just too mean to lose to cancer.

We still need tons of prayers. We have so much that is up in the air right now. Big decisions will still have to be made from here on out. It is not going to be easy on any front, but all we can do now is take things one step at a time. What we do know is we will go to Houston and the first couple of days will be more testing. Then I will be admitted into the hospital to begin the treatments. I will be in the hospital for a week for the treatments, then will be out for two weeks then back in a week. This will go on for a minimum of 5 months depending on how well the cancer responds. They told us that it will be up to me and how I feel if I will be able to travel home during those two weeks off. If not we will then face the issues of trying to find a place to stay there in Houston. If you remember, we had talked about the real possibility of me going on permanent medical disability due to the last surgery and the loss of the nodes. We are going to look into that now to see if that will be an option. It would at least, at some point, bring in some income. I could go on and on but I will stop. The important thing for us it is time to fight. And the fight is on. We cannot say thank you enough for all of the help, prayers, phone calls and cards we have already gotten. Those are the things that give us the strength to get through this. THANK YOU!

We don't have anything set in stone in terms of a date, but when we do we will let everyone now. We are going to spend the next couple of weeks packing, moving, and doing what needs to be done now to get ready. I will post more next week. Oh and if you were wondering about the title? I don't think the doctor's and nurses have any idea what they are getting themselves into with me.......hehehehe........

Andy,

Remember everyday to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath.............

Signed,

Andy

Short One

We have been asked many times over the last several days by many of you what we need. My normal reaction is we don't need anything. Actually, that is my ego not wanting to ask for help. I am simply not good at asking, and my closest friends know that about me. So our best friend Rae decided to open a benefit account at the American Bank of Oklahoma in Collinsville. (Not Bank of Oklahoma.) And I have to be honest, finances are going to be our biggest obstacle through all of this. So I was asked if I would post this information on here, and after some consternation by me, and encouragement from others here goes. To donate money to the account you may contact the following people: Rae Sutton (918) 951-6529 or Michael Dunning at (918) 629-5776. They can direct you on how to donate. If anyone knows where I can get a new body free of cancer, around 25 years old, in really good shape, with more hair I would be very grateful as well! Thank You!

WOW!

I thought the last time I wrote was information over load. I was wrong. I didn't realized that you could actually reach a point where no matter how bad you want to think, and I mean about anything, you just cannot make your brain work. It's possible. I actually forgot how to get to the bathroom today, and I was standing in front of the door! And the worst part is it ain't over. If this keeps up I may actually get committed for being comatose on my feet.

This is going to be another long one. I apologize, but to make it understandable there is simply no way around it. We had our appointment at MD Anderson last Friday. When you first arrive the nurse does the initial intake, asking a million questions. Then the Physician Assistant comes in, asks the same million questions, does a brief exam then leaves to get the doctor. This visit, the Assistant came back in and informed us that the doctor was looking over my latest PET Scan, done just weeks ago, and told us that he had found a spot in my right lung that he didn't like. She told us that he was looking over all of the Scans, MRI's, CT Scans done over the last year to see if the spot showed up in any of them. Finally the doctor came in and said those magic words you love to hear when you are at one of the leading cancer hospital's in the world........I have bad news. YAH! What he told us was that there is a nodule in my right lung that "lit up" on the PET Scan and was bigger than it should be. (It wasn't in any other scans.) He told us that in his opinion, he would feel safe saying as percentages go, the chances are 90% that it is cancer. He then told us that if we wanted to have a biopsy done that we could but that it comes with a lot of risks. The biggest risk is the lung collapsing. He stated, and we are in agreement, that doing a biopsy is simply irrelevant. The reason is because the fear that we have had all along is that the cancer would metastasize and it has. And because of that there are most likely micro-metastasized cancer cells other places in my body. Thus it is not very important that it be biopsied because whether or not it is won't change the treatment plan. Upon asking him, he told me he would put me at stage 4 cancer.

We then began discussing treatment options. Actually he and Rebecca discussed them. I was sitting in the corner staring into la la land wondering if I could jump over the exam table and be out the door in less than two steps. What I finally learned the next day was he suggested three treatment plans. Mild, Moderate, and Advanced. Fairly simple sounding names. Don't let that fool you. I did. The moderate is one drug with only a 1% effective rate, would be done here at home and is fairly inexpensive. I would also be able to work during the treatments. The moderate is a combination of two drugs, is only 4% effective, costs around $15,000 a treatment, and would take a minimum of 5 months. Most likely I would not be able to work during that time due to being sick from the treatments. The advanced has two options. Both are a combination of drugs that are about 16% effective, range in cost from $45,000-$75,000 a treatment, can only be done at MD Anderson in Houston, and is physically brutal on the patient. They both are a minimum of 5 months which obviously means I won't be able to work. I also have to pass a physical exam just to see if my body can handle the treatments. It would mean being in the hospital in Houston for one week during the treatments, then off for two weeks, then back again for a week, and so on. The last question that Rebecca asked was what was the prognosis without any treatments. The answer, I have 18 months to live. At that point, while still in la la land and planning my escape, I am pretty sure I started drooling. All I wanted was to leave. When we got home we started looking up the drugs that are involved we found several articles that said once it gets into the lungs the patient has 15-18 months to live without treatments.

So the quandary. At this point we feel the only option is one of the advanced treatments. We understand that the cancer has gone "mobile" and that is not good. Whether or not the spot in my lung is cancer is irrelevant. We have to do something, and it needs to be aggressive. The problems now are numerous. First there is the obvious, money. Not counting the cost of the treatments, there is me not working and trying to maintain our life here. We will have to take measures to down size to the bare minimum financially. Then there is being in Houston for more than 6 months. The logistics are mind boggling. There is travel, food, medicine, and the list goes on. But, and what weighs on our decision more, is the long term prognosis is not good. I called a good friend of mine today who is a Radiologist at the Cancer Treatment Centers of American in Tulsa. After a conversation with him, he spoke with an Oncologist there and both immediately said I need to go to MD Anderson. We are going to go. One way or another, we are going. But, and I don't like to ask, we need help. Please pray that God works things out for us to go to Houston. Please pray that God works things out here at home. Especially, please pray for my family, all of them. The stakes have been raised once again and the fight is on. We are going to fight with every ounce of our beings, and are going to seek out every option possible. I will be honest, I have not had a good day. I have let the fear take over. I have asked why me, what now, what are we going to do? All we can do at this point is put one foot in front of the other, work towards going to Houston, and trust that God will open the doors. We trust that all will be okay.

Remember every day to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath.....................

Latest

It is Saturday as I write this. I am trying to get it done before 3:00 pm because it is that time of year again! OU football. They play at 3:00 today and once kick off comes, I will be doing nothing else but watching the game. What a great time of year. Cool Saturday's with nothing to do but be lazy and watch football. And for anyone who is wondering, my wife is a huge football fan, especially OU football. Yes I know I am lucky. One of the reasons I married her.

We have a little bit of news. We met with the surgeon yesterday. The first thing is he took the drain out of my arm pit which I am very grateful for. They aren't so much painful as they are annoying and restrictive. The final pathology lab came back on Thursday and he was able to let us know what they said. They took 15 lymph nodes out during the surgery and of those, 3 were cancerous. I think in my previous blog after the surgery I talked about a tumor under my arm that they weren't able to get to through the first incision. It too was cancerous. Also some of the tissue he removed that was around the nodes was cancerous as well. The rest of the nodes and tissue he took out was clear. It's what we all expected. No better, no worse. On Wednesday and Thursday I was very sick. I had chest and head congestion along with aches and pains and couldn't hardly get off the couch. After sharing that with the surgeon, he told us that it is a viral infection and is most likely what caused my breathing problems on the operating table. We know there will probably have to be more surgeries in the future and we were worried about the breathing issues. He assured us that the issues were a result of the illness and nothing else, and that we shouldn't worry about any more issues during any future surgeries. We have not met with our Oncologist here and don't know when we will. We do have an appointment at MD Anderson in Houston next Friday the 17th. We are going to meet with them and see what they say. We will then come home, met with the Doctor's here, and formulate a game plan. If we feel that I can be best treated in Houston, we will do everything we can to make that happen, if it's at all possible.

Again with the hurry up and wait for answers. I think yesterday both Rebecca and I reached a point that we just flipped the proverbial switch and turned it off. We are both worn out and needed to rest. I cannot say enough about my wife. She is incredible. She has taken care of me, the kids, the house, and been constantly on the phone getting medical records and talking to Doctor's office's. Tenacious doesn't even cover it. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. We are shutting it down for the weekend. We are going to rest this weekend, try not to think too much, and hit the ground running on Monday. We really appreciate all of the emails, calls, and texts from everyone. It means a lot to us and gives us strength everyday. We know things will be a little different this time, but the one thing that will never change is that all of the thoughts and prayers we receive are what helps us get through no matter what the road ahead my bring. Thank You!