The latest from Houston

Well I am writing this in the hospital room in Houston. I just finished the first round of five and so far all seems well. I did have what they call rigors. They are actually chills from the drug interferon. They make you shake uncontrollably, so hard it makes the bed shake. And once it reaches that point for me they have to give me Demerol. It is the only thing that will stop it. It is a long twenty or thirty minutes. The itching and rash has started as well but it is not too bad, yet. Rebecca and I are doing our best to just have fun, even in the hospital. The nurse was asking a list of questions yesterday and one of them was are you easily distracted? I started staring at one of the monitors. She asked me again, sir, are you easily distracted? I said, sorry that monitor distracted me. She found it very funny. She is one who actually has a sense of humor. We joke with all of the staff and some are more receptive than others. I see it as another challenge, to get all of the to laugh be the end of the week!

On the medical front, I had a chest x-ray yesterday before we met with the doctor. When we met with him the news wasn't what we were hoping for. The good news is there are no new tumors, and the current tumors haven't grown any. The frustrating news was they haven't shrunk any either. The doctor said with this rigorous treatment, they usually see results after the first round. After some discussion he said, and we agreed, that we would go ahead with round two. At the end of the week we will hopefully be able to come home for two weeks like we did last time. Then we will come back to Houston and have a full round of test's done to check the progress. If at that point the tumors haven't shrunk by at least 25%, the doctor will stop these treatments and we will look at other options. PRAY FOR SHRINKAGE!

Pray for my wife and her family as well. Late last her her grandfather, her mother's dad, was rushed to the hospital with a possible stroke. After keeping him over night and testing, they have ruled out a stroke. He is okay now but they don't know what is going on. Pray for my wife this week as well. This is tough on her and she never complains, ever. It's not easy to spend a week in a hospital room when you are not the patient. And don't be afraid to call or text us. If we don't answer it just means we are busy or asleep. And don't worry if you don't know what to say, we don't either. We can talk about the weather, or how bad our Dallas Cowboys are this year!

Well that is all I have for right now. Time to lay back down and rest. Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Remember everyday to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath...............................

Don't take it for granted......

Well, from what little I was able to be outside today, it was very nice. The trees around here are starting their changes and are beautiful. I am looking forward in some ways to the drive to Houston tomorrow. I actually enjoy long drives in the car and seeing different parts of the country especially in the fall. But I know too that I will be glad when we do get there and are able to get out of the car.

Don't you just love this day and age of modern technology? Facebook, Twitter, instant chat, comment sections, blogs and on and on. Yes there is some sarcasm behind that statement, but there is also a lot of truth to it for me as well. I have to admit, I do the Facebook thing. Mainly to stay in touch with people who I may not otherwise. And obviously I blog. But I cannot help but giggle a little when I read the things that get posted, especially on Facebook. You can count of the minister's, if you have any as your friends, to post religious postings. You can count on restaurants to post weekly specials. You can be sure some of your friends will always post things they hate about work. Of course, and rightfully so, you can count on proud parents to post pictures of their children. But the thought occurred to me the other day, maybe if we pay attention we can learn about each other by the things we post. It caused to me to stop and think for a minute about the things I post. I don't post a lot, but I do from time to time and I wondered what my posts say about me? I know that we all see posts from people who are constantly negative, some with the world is against me attitude. (I have to admit when I read those right now I want to get on there and offer to trade them places!) Are mine that way? Some are always funny. Are mine? Some of them are constantly those games that every time you level up, or farm your neighbor, or water some animal, or walk some plant they have to post it. I won't even go there. So I went back and looked at mine and yes, it says a lot about me and where I am at right now. They are all cancer related.

Then the light bulb came on and I thought you dummie, you have a blog. What does that say about you? I guess what is really driving this blog is when you are in the position I am in it changes your perspective on life. As I stated in the previous blog, my life will never be the same again. Almost every thing we do right now is cancer related or focused. And hearing the things we heard from the doctor in the beginning of the ordeal makes you stop and look at life and what is really important. I have had my priorities rearranged whether I wanted them to or not. I guess what I really want to say is this, take nothing for granted anymore. I have learned the hard way that there are just somethings in life that aren't as important as we thought they were. My work as a Police Officer in Collinsville goes on without me. Just like it did before I worked there and will do long after I am gone. The Fraternal Order of Police will do the same. It functions just fine without me. Not that I don't contribute to those places when I am well, but I am replaceable. Those places and things don't make me who I am. They are what I do. What makes me who I am is my family and friends, my core beliefs, the way I was raised and my choices in life. But mostly the people. I told my mother yesterday that you know you have friends but since this has happened we have watched people, literally all over the world, start to pray for us, email us, call us, text us, donate their money and time and support us unconditionally and it is amazing. And that's what life is all about. Family and friends. And I am reminded everyday that life is precious. Period. Take nothing for granted anymore. Learn to enjoy life everyday no matter what happens. You just don't know. I have to tell you a story then I will get off my soap box. As I got about halfway through this blog my phone rang. It was the seven year old daughter of our best friends Ron and Rae Sutton. She called to see how I was doing. She told her mother she wanted me to know that she loves . She did it on her own! That's what life is all about. (And yes I cried a little.) Give someone a hug today you normally wouldn't. Call that person you have been meaning to but haven't. Tell your family you love them. And thank God for the blessings in your life.

Remember everyday to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath.........................

Well I want to apologize for not writing sooner. I would like to say that I have been so busy I haven't had time to write, but that is just not true. We have been been busy the last two days, but I have had plenty of time to write. Rebecca however has been busy. She is amazing. Since we have been home she has gone to work as much as she can and taken care of me. Her mother came in this week to help with the kids over the next several months. She has already been a huge help. Today we have nothing on the schedule and hopefully we will be able to rest and refuel.

On the medical front all is well for the most part. I still am having minimal side effects. The only one that has been an issue since being home has been a rash and itching caused by one of the drugs. It was rough the first few days but has improved greatly over the last several days and I am grateful. I have to continue to have blood work done, even while at home. I go to a lab here in Owasso where they draw the blood, test it, then send the results to the doctor's at MD Anderson. I have done two so far and all my numbers have been fine. I am not sure what is going on right now but the last two days my knees and feet have hurt to the point of almost being immobile. We don't know if it is related to the cancer drugs or if it is something else but it has been rough. There is also the typical energy issue. I just run out of gas pretty quick but that is to be expected. I am sleeping well and have found my long lost appetite. As of Monday I had lost around 30 pounds but since then I have put some of it back on with the help of Rebecca's great cooking, doughnuts and cookies and cream ice cream! It's kind of nice to not have to worry about putting weight on. I look at it like a bear feeding in preparation for hibernation. I know that the week I am back in the hospital I won't feel like eating so I am eating now in preparation for my hibernation!

The last two days have been incredible. Friday was the Fraternal Order of Police golf tournament fundraiser, and Saturday was the all day fundraiser at the Silver Dollar Restaurant in Collinsville. Yesterday there was an all you can eat breakfast, Poker Run, raffle, and auction. I was able to go to the breakfast then the auction. It was utterly amazing to see. My family and I cannot say thank you enough to the people who worked so hard to put on both fundraisers. We also cannot say thank you enough to the sponsors who donated money and items to both of the fundraisers and to all who participated. It was truly amazing. We simply could not do this without all of you and your support. Thank you!

Well, will we leave on Wednesday or Thursday of this week. I have to be back at the hospital on Friday at 2:00 pm. (Funny, that actually give you a piece of paper that are called "orders" with the date and time of return!) I have to be honest, right now I am not looking forward to it. I laughed when I just typed that. How could anyone ever look forward to cancer treatments! But honestly I have mixed emotions. I know I have to do this. I know it will save my life. But some days to think about it is overwhelming. I have the typical fears like, will I do as well this time as I did the last? Will the side effects be worse? Are the treatments working? Has the cancer spread more? I know these are typical emotions, but if I dwell too long on them they can be overwhelming. I try to simply focus on today and the gifts I have been given. As my dad said from the beginning of this latest journey, my life will never be the same again. He was right. The trick for me now is how to make the adjustments to accept this as my life now, and how to be and do the best I can, enjoy life as much as possible, and walk through this journey with dignity and honor. One thing is sure, each day is a totally new experience.

That is all for now. I will write more over the next couple of days. I have a lot rolling around in my head that I won't bore you with. I will save it for another day. Thank you again for all of the prayers and support. We cannot do this without each of you!

Remember every day to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath....................

No Title

I tried to think of a clever title for this post but so far nothing has come to me. I am writing this in the hotel across from the hospital. Earlier in the week I kept call the hospital room, the hotel room and vice versa. The hotel room is much better, the one I am in now. The only thing better will be when I see the front of our house!

In staying true to my theme of honesty here I have to tell you, yesterday was a very odd day for me. The end of round one. During the week I couldn't wait to get out of the hospital. I was tired of having someone in and out of the room every two hours either poking me, testing me, weighing me, changing my chemo, and on and on. I got very tired of sleeping on the small bed, and not being able to turn over and sleep on my side. Let's face it, after seven days, all of it was getting old. One of the things that Rebecca had to do was learn about taking care of me while at home. I had no idea what would be involved. Obviously my immune system is shot, and will be for some time. So I will have to be very careful when I am out of the hospital. Something like a simple infection could kill me. I cannot shave with a razor anymore, I cannot let my skin dry out, cannot get dehydrated, cannot get a fever, cannot be around large groups of people for very long, and on and on. I guess it was another fall out of all of this I did not expect. When we left the hospital and got to the hotel room I found myself not wanting to leave the room. I found myself wanting, in some ways, to go back to the hospital. As bad as I wanted to get out of there, when I did I realized I had left a comfort zone. But today is better. It's another part of the journey that I will have to be careful when not in the hospital to take care of myself, but find that balance of not going to extremes either way.

I have to say that we are very grateful that things have gone well so far. My body has done well and the side effects, while not fun, have been minimal. I don't feel great, but I don't feel horrible. Rebecca and I went outside today and sat in the sunlight which felt great. For me it was the first time in seven days I have been outside. As I sat on the bench and soaked up the sun and fresh air it occurred to me that this was only round one and there are many more to come. As I started to contemplate how many more rounds of this I will have to endure, I was reminded that all I can do is take this mess one day at a time. If I focus on anything else I won't make it. My little saying that I post at the end of each blog has never meant more to me than it does right now. Literally. Because I have to drink a lot of water, do breathing treatments and walk as much as possible. We will also need A LOT of prayers tomorrow. We just heard from the nurse that we are cleared to go home so we will head out in the morning with my parents. We are going to drive which is normally an eight hour drive. But tomorrow it will be doubled because we will have to stop every hour and a half so I can walk around to avoid blood clots. Please pray for us!!

My family and I want to again say thank you for all of the thoughts and prayers. There is no question that one of the biggest reasons that things have gone so well is because of all of the prayers that have lifted us up and carried us through. We cannot thank you enough. I am living proof that prayers work. Period.

Remember every day to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath...........................

Wednesday

Well as a I sat down to write this the fire alarm went off. Rebecca had just left to go down stairs and get some milk, and mom and dad aren’t here. I kinda giggled cause the elevators don’t work during a fire alarm so they won’t be able to get up here for a while. Me, being the cop, walked out into the hallway to investigate and got yelled at to shut my door. Don’t they know I am a…..they might but right now it is meaningless. All about perspective. I still can’t tell you what it’s like outside right now. Looks pretty from the window. They did say that maybe later today or tomorrow I can walk outside. Would be nice.

My post from yesterday turned out to be a little misleading. As the day progressed I felt worse. I spent most of the afternoon sleeping. I guess it finally caught up with me. I didn’t fell horrible, just no energy. The main thing I am dealing with right now is shortness of breath. The way it was explained to me was the drugs cause my body to retain a lot of extra fluid which in turn puts pressure on my body one of the results being the shortness of breath. They have me doing breathing treatments three times a day. Which is a great gesture but not really much help. Right now it is better. In case your curious the parade of folks in and out of the room starts around 4 am each day. From 4 until around noon it is non-stop. Today for example the nurse started at 4 am. Then comes the person who takes my blood pressure, temperature, pulse ox, and weight. Then comes the next person with a breathing treatment. Then the day shift nurse comes in and introduces themselves and goes over the plan for the day. Then another lady came in and took more blood. At some point a physicians assistant will come in and go over where my levels are at and let us know how everything is going. Then shortly after that a doctor will come in and do the same thing. They have all been great. They have made things so much easier. They treat us everyday with kindness and compassion, answer our questions, and listen to us. It makes a huge difference.

So the tentative plan for today is let the last course of drugs go through my body, continue to keep and eye on my vitals and see where things stand tomorrow. I have the catheter in my arm that will stay in place until this whole mess is over. One of the things we will have to be very careful of is infection. It will have to be flushed and cleaned and bandaged once a week even while at home. Which means Rebecca and Mom are having to go to two different classes on how to do it. Then, later today, they will have to actually perform the procedure in front of the nurse before they will let me go. We will be here at least through tomorrow. We may be released tomorrow or Friday depending on how much my swelling goes down. Once released, we will have to come back to the hospital once or twice more to have blood work done to make sure all of my “levels” are stable. It is looking like we will most likely be able to leave for Tulsa on Monday or Tuesday. (As I say that the nurse just took my blood pressure and it was too high so who knows) That’s it for now. I feel better today and am grateful. It has not been fun, but it could have been a lot worse. I will let everyone know more as we do.

Remember each day to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water and don’t forget to breath…………..

Tuesday

Well it is Tuesday morning here at MD Anderson. The only major even that has happened thus far is that I accidentally poured a 32 oz. cup of cold water on me and my bed this morning around 6 while trying to take medicine the nurse was giving me. That is one way to wake up! I guess that is payback for trying to tease the nurses too much this week. I have been trying to blog the last couple of days but the internet here isn’t so great and it won’t save or publish my post so we are going to try and do this a different way today.

On the medical front all is going really well. All of my numbers from my blood work are perfect. I still have a few small side effects like fatigue, some diarrhea (I knew you wanted to know that), shortness of breath and bloating. Most of them are supposed to stop the minutes the drugs stop. I have had no nausea or dizziness. Honestly the doctors are surprised I am doing so well. I am still getting up and walking around two or three times a day. I will start my last round of treatments Wednesday morning around 4 am. then they will take me off all of them and keep me for observations for a day or two. The will then release me from the hospital on Thursday or Friday, and we will stay here in Houston for a day or two then be on our way back to Tulsa! I know this, without a doubt. The only reason this has gone so well is because of all of the thoughts, prayers and support of all of you. PERIOD! I was just talking to Rebecca and Mom about that. We have people praying for us all over the world and I am a firm believer in prayer. THANK YOU! Its not been easy, but it has been as easy as it could be because of all of you. The other good news it that this usually means the following treatments will be easier as well. The next question will be how is it affecting the cancer? We should know in about six weeks.

My family and I simply cannot thank each of you for all you all are doing for us. It is humbling and amazing. I have thought a lot about this while lying in bed these last few days and the simple answer is there is power in numbers. Not once have I been depressed or down. Not once have I said why me. I realized that I am drawing my strength from all of those prayers, thoughts, fundraisers, messages, phone calls, and texts that we have gotten from all of you. Surprisingly I have been in a great mood each day knowing that this is only temporary and soon I will get to be back to my home and family and friends. There is no greater motivation.

Well today will be another normal day for me of more needles and drugs and trying to eat. I think I may go see if I can challenge someone to a race around the nurses station. Thank you again to all of you.

Remember everyday to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don’t forget to breath……………..

Machine

This is the machine that hold all the drugs. I am hooked

to it 24/7. Even have to shower hooked up to it. And when

a bag gets empty it sounds a very loud alarm. Lovely

when your dead asleep

Round One in Houston

Wow, I have been wanting to write for a few days now but they don't leave me alone long enough to get anything done. I will write more about Thursday another day. There is just too much to cover at this point. I will say that the put the catheter line in my left bicep. They poke a big hole and then take a flexible piece of wire and thread it through the veins. It has to go over the shoulder, past the heart and to the right lung area. The first two attempts weren't good. Let me tell you when they poke the vein with the wire, from inside the vein, it ain't fun. Then a surgeon looked at a place underneath my right arm that we thought was fluid build up from my last surgery in Tulsa. The idea was to drain it to give me some pain relief. Again, poked with a big needle but nothing drained. Which means it is now a hematoma. Which means another surgery at some point to fix it but not now. And yes it was wicked painful. I about jumped off the table.

After all of the tests and scans and pokes and sticks, we met with the Doctor around 2 pm. First, I passed the physical to proceed with the treaments. They did find a small defect in my heart that I don't understand but all of them seem to not be concerned with it. Then, and yes here it comes, they found more cancer in my lungs, both of them. Until yesterday they could only find the cancer in my right lung. And apprenetly one of the spots is of good size. Then, and by this point I had my suspicions, the brain scan showed a small spot. The good news is the radiologist wouldn't call it metastatic. He said it could be a vein or something else. But they are concerned because the spot is visible from every angle in every scan, and it wasn't there in any of the previous scans. So they are changing one of my drugs, to a drug that will penetrate the blood brain barrier and hopefully kill whatever it is. We were the given the "orders" and had to report to the hospital. We were assigned a room and told to come back whenever. So Mom and Dad and Rebecca and I went to eat dinner. We finally reported to the hospital around 8 pm and checked into our room. They started the IV around midnight giving me fluids only. Then around 2 am the chemo. started. Even though it's called chemo and it is, it's also not. I am being given a combination of drugs that are chemo, while some aren't typical chemo. One of them, a drug called interferon, gave me the most horrible chills I have ever had yesterday. I started shaking so hard that I was shaking the bed to the point you could hear it rattling, that went on for an hour. They gave me some medicine to help and the first round helped but didn't stop it. Finally they gave me some more and I was able to sleep for a while and stopped shaking but woke up with a 102 degree temp. Guess you got to give to get! So far there hasn't been much nausea, mostly fatigue and some dizziness. Sleep comes in small spurts due to being checked on or stuck every couple of hours. Today should tell us a lot. They said yesterday that for most day two and three are when the symptoms set in for most people. We are praying they will be minimal for me. The list of possible side effects is just too long to list here, so if I get them I will just discuss them as they come. The nurses and doctors are the best. Each day for me is a new adventure and I am doing my best to laugh and joke with the staff. Some like it, some don't know what to think of me! I love it.

Well I told my family when we left the doctors office yesterday that there has always been some doubt in my mind as to whether or not coming here was the right decision. The cost, logistics, separating us from the kids, and so many other doubts have gone through my mind. And as much as I didn't want to hear that the cancer has spread even more, it was reassurance to me that this is the place we have to be to get the help I need. So I am here, 100%. It is going to be horribly expensive, I am going to be away from home a lot, it is going to be hard on the kids and my family and friends. It is going to be super hard on me physically. But this is where I have to be. Period. I have seen so much already that has changed me in some ways. I met a 4 year old girl with melanoma. It started as a spot on her arm, then moved into they nodes under her arm, hum, sound familiar? My wife and mother met a man with melanoma in his lungs and brains. It's good to know that in that since, I am not alone. I have heard stories from patient's that are absolutely inspiring to me. I see this place now as a place of hope and promise. Along with that, and all of the support from our families and great friends back home, we are going to beat this no matter what it takes. God brought us here for a reason, no doubt about it. Well as I was sitting here typing this the nurses have been changing out the drugs and today begins round two. One of the drugs makes you sleepy and kind of out of it so I will stop for now. Please don't be worried about calling us or emailing or texting us. It is great to hear from everyone. Hopefully we will be back in the middle of next week to see everyone. Thank you again to all of you for you support, prayers, messages and calls. And to those of you who have and are working so hard on fundraisers for us. Just incredible.

Remember everyday to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to pray.................

Morning

Well just a quick update this morning. It is Tuesday October 5th. We fly out today at noon on a plane that is part of the Angel Flight program. And what a program that is. They fly patients to MD Anderson in Houston (among other places I think) for free. It is mostly for people who cannot afford to fly commercially or who have to fly back and forth on a regular basis. It is private plane owners and companies who donate their planes, and time to provide a service to others. It is incredible. It is another one of those things where others have stepped up and helped us tremendously during this time. Besides it beats having to go through airport security or the Houston airport any day of the week. Then, thanks to my Texas State Fraternal Order of Police family, we will have a ride waiting on us when we land.

As most of you know by now my parents are going with us. They both came down with the head and chest junk over the weekend and aren't feeling well. Both Rebecca and I started feeling ill last night. One of the rules at the hospital is if you are sick you cannot be around the patient's so we need prayers that we will all be feeling well by Thursday. Yesterday I kept saying, I am not getting sick, I am not getting sick, I am not getting sick. Mind over matter! No please pray for us that we are well by the weekend. Otherwise we are doing okay. Obviously we are nervous. The fear of the unknown is always the worst. I think we are all ready to get through the first week so at least we will have a better idea of what to expect. There are still many things up in the air like will I feel up to traveling after the treatments. If not, we will have to find a place to stay there in Houston. Not an easy proposition to find a place there that is affordable. Rebecca's mom will be coming on October 18th to stay at our house with the kids. So, we had to send them of to stay with family members last night which was hard, especially on Rebecca. We are going to miss them. This is a very difficult time for them and they need lots of prayers as well. There is not much else at this point. I am going to post blogs as much as possible. Some of them may be through dictation to Rebecca, but we will keep everyone posted as much as possible.

Thank you again for all you prayers, support, emails, and texts. Thank you to all of you who are giving of your time and energy to do fundraisers and help us during this time. Words cannot express how grateful we are. We love all of you guys.

Remember every day to put one foot in front of the other, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to breath.........